Warm Greetings, everyone. Last month Taj Inayat led a six-day retreat online, one that had been scheduled to be at the Abode. Here are some impressions; I doubt that anyone else there would have seen it the same way.
Thirty of us attended, including 3 men, and a few younger women. The retreats are normally limited to 20 but she felt that on Zoom more could be accommodated. She met individually with each person once, and requested email feedback each day, plus Khushi, as the helper also meets with each person, so there’s still a limit on the numbers.
After an hour of the usual delightful morning practices, led by Khushi, Taj met with the whole group for about four hours spread through the day, with us doing practices on our own for the rest of the time. We met for Zikr in the evening, three times led by Zuleikha, the other times by Taj.
Before the retreat, a major intention of mine was for stilling the mind . Am I the only one who can spend an entire day entertaining myself by talking to myself and thinking without a stop? But just a few minutes into the retreat, I remembered Pir Vilayat’s four traditional principles of Sufi retreats: solitude, silence, fasting and vigilance. As soon as I invoked silence, I stopped talking to myself, and it wasn’t an issue. Quite a surprise, actually.
Instead, I found that Taj was stressing outlooks and attitudes that I was not accustomed to, though of course I had heard about them for a long time. She asked us to start every session of practice with “Turning the heart towards practice.” That meant checking the condition of the heart at the moment and remembering, or discovering, your intention. It leads to very heart-centered practices. After the retreat I realized that it focuses on the “feeling heart,” more than the heart as a stream of love. Here are two quotes, not from the retreat, to show the difference:
~~~Why, O my feeling heart Do you live and die? What makes my feeling heart To laugh and to cry? Death is my life indeed; I live when I die. Pain is my pleasure; when I laugh, then I cry . -Nirtan, Gamakas
~~~The great teachers of humanity become streams of love .
-Bowl of Saki, April 15.
We were told to call on our guides at the beginning of each session. I think we all could appreciate our teachers and guides easily, having Taj there as our example.
I never knew there could be such jamal forms of Zikr as the ones we did every day. Sure, I sometimes do the 2nd Zikr with a sense of surrender, rather than of annihilation, but normally Zikr does include annihilation, or shattering, or at least being overwhelmed. This whole week was being washed as the head swings, being a vessel as we bow, and sharing our gifts with the world. Or surrender, Really surrender, and grow.
~~~Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers,
"Grow, grow. - The Talmud
It was a delightful balance to the thousand year tradition of men, without women, doing Zikr. A balance between grace and effort. Now, a week after the retreat, it’s feeling too gentle for me. Deep, but mild. I’ve added back the Being of Splendor, for those of you who may know him.
~~~Gaining enlightenment is an accident. Spiritual practice simply makes us accident-prone. -Baker Roshi.
A major theme was “The Awakening of the Soul,” (from Volume 8) using awareness practices, which we worked with every day. These started with concentration exercises, the constant attention to the breath or an object. Then we moved to being aware that we were observing our sensations, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it was done as “open awareness,” allowing the observations to flow without especially paying attention to any particular one of them. And then we paid attention to the one who was observing, or even the One who was observing.
This quote was not used at the retreat but it expresses the approach:
~~~I first believed without any hesitation in the existence of the soul, and then I wondered about the secret of its nature. I persevered and strove in search of the soul, and found at last that I myself was the cover over my soul. I realized that that in me which believed and that in me which wondered, that which persevered in me, and that which found, and that which was found at last, was no other than my soul… -The Phenomenon of the Soul, Conclusion, in Vol. 5
Taj’s approach, starting with awareness of sensations, thoughts and feelings, reminded me of the practice of satipatthana, the Buddhist practice often translated as “Right Mindfulness,” the seventh spoke of the Noble Eightfold Path. I started with that in my meditations Then I could shift the focus to the one who perceived (and believed and wondered).
Each morning Taj gave a theme for reflection to use in our muhasabas (contemplations) and zikr during the afternoon. These all emphasized The Opening of the Heart. Themes included forgiveness, pain and trauma, death, and were described with inspiring quotes of poetry. The fascinating talk on death reminded us how much more we can appreciate life because we know it to be fleeting. Very amazing.
~~~To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. -Mary Oliver, Blackwater Woods
~~~I knew when meeting that we would have to part. But I ignored the coming dawn and gave myself to you. -from a Japanese poem
~~~There is a balm for the hopeless that the hopers would be jealous of. -Rumi
Often on a retreat some personal issue will come up for me, not directly connected with the process. At one point Taj suggested using Ya Malik, the King, as a wazifa. She reminded us that our lives on earth begin with the first breath and end with the last breath, and suggested thinking of Ya Malik as the Giver of Breath. Of the Names of God, this is my most difficult. (Well, there is Ya Malik-al-Mulq.) I can’t think of any good kings since King Arthur. (I’m waiting for William and Kate.)
So now I’ve been working on those Malik issues for two weeks: My Jewish childhood with the God of the Old Testament. My father as an argumentative attorney. A mystical resistance to any conception of God as other. Majesty as an archetype. See what I mean? And by now I’m reminded of 4 or 6 other issues just as significant. Lots of things that get avoided if one is adept at the “spiritual bypass.”
Taj seemed to thoroughly enjoy being with us, which felt supportive and even flattering, though she said she very much missed having us there in person. What a joy–how inspiring–to be with her for a week. And I very much appreciated the emphasis on aspects of Murshid’s teachings that I had been neglecting: the feminine, awareness, and facing up to the spiritual bypass.
With love and blessings,
-Jami